I handle 80% of the customer service phone calls and complaints at my work, so I am always super polite and understanding when speaking to any sort of customer service rep, but I have zero tolerance for being put on hold and transferred excessively, because no one is able to help me or knows who can. That to me shows that the entire department is being run incompetently. *coughTELUScough*

I have some reeeeaaal horror stories from jerky customers, but it rarely bothers me. I like to counteract their douchiness by being really, really, really polite. It throws them off and it seems to either make it harder for them to be angry, or it upsets them that I'm not taking their bait and arguing. Either way, I win. I got an especially delightful call yesterday from a lady who claimed that because she's been rented an instrument from us for 2 years, she ought to be able to stop paying her monthly rental fees, since she's paid enough to purchase it by now. When I politely explained that, a) a rental contract is not the same as a purchase payment plan (which her contract clearly states), and b) the cost of the instrument is actually quite a bit more than 2 years of rent, she lost her shit and started calling me names and repeating, "my daughter wants to keep her instrument!" After I repeated her options several times (continue renting, return the instrument, or purchase a new instrument) and asking her which option she would prefer, I finally said "that's nice, have a good day" to her "my daughter wants to keep her instrument" comment and hung up. I'm sure she thinks she got terrible service, but honestly I don't think there was anything else I could have done - it isn't my problem that she misread/didn't read the (very short, clearly written) contract that she signed and rudely demanded a service that our company doesn't offer.

"You know what? I'm growing a person.  If I want to eat this Big Mac and then eat another you will have nothing to say about it.  As a matter of fact, if you try and keep and keep me from my Big Mac and his step-brother, the refreshing and delicious fountain Coke, I will turn into the Incredible Hulk except with pregnancy hormones, and I will rip off the arms you used to steal my cheeseburger."