If I found out my kid was texting while driving, dispite repeated warnings, I wouldnt take away the phone.

I would take away the car.

If my daughter wouldnt respect my wish's about using a dryer with a dangerous flaw ( why dont you fix that BTW ) and snuck around behind my back, I would not take away the I-Pod.

I would go to the hardware store and buy a lock, put it on the laundry room door and she would only have access to it specific times that were scheduled and I was there.

Counseling is highly advised. Not for him, for both of you. It matters NOT if he decides to go. You could use some help in standing up for yourself with this divorce and managing the kids if he is going to play " good cop " while you are going to be the enforcer.