Your not worthless and you have a lifetime in front of you.
I know what its like to go without a horse, when its the only thing you want.

But right now, with your situation, seriously you would be better off spending that money on lessons.
I like you, I really do, and I try to be nice to you, even if I dont want to be.
But, I am going to be really honest here.
When you posted pictures of you riding Jayne, it was painful to see.
Your saddle didn't fit you or the horse, it was tacked up incorrectly.
Hell it wasnt even sitting straight on her back.
Your riding was seriously lacking, you were holding the reins incorrectly, you stirups were the wrong length.
I mean the only good things in your pictures were your smile and your fat shiny mare.
90% of the horses in the world would have dumped you or worse in that set up.
I'm not saying that to be mean, hell, I do stuff wrong all time, all you have to do is look at my Help thread.

Right now you really can't afford a horse, whats so wrong with taking some lessons and learning a little before you take that big commitment again?
You get to have horsey time with out all the bills and worries that go with it.
Build your horse knowledge while getting your life back in order.

You have your memories, and those will be your guiding light in learning and wanting more.
When the time is right and you have some more riding miles behind you... you will find the right horse for you.
But right now today, its not that time. 
You got to get the rest of your life in order so that you will enjoy your next horse, as you both deserve.
I know I have been there. I think right now your hurting badly.
You've lost so much in such a short time.
Your job, dogs, cats, horses and your sense of self worth.
You've probably lost even more we don't know about. 
 I can imagine how over whelming that is. How lonely that is.
I'm sorry for what you are going through right now, but I can tell you it will get better with time.
Give it time.

Take a deep breath and find out where you can get some lessons and ride time. Maybe even find a rescue or something you can volunteer at.
Hect, drive up to DDR's and pester the hell out of him.