Hey, man try growing up with a mom who orders Whoppers with no meat!!

Something I never understood, my mother doesn't have a green thumb she has a green hand.
That woman walks by plants and they shiver and stretch and grow and bloom.
I have a black thumb and can't grow anything.
It's so bad on Mothers day Abby bought me a plant and she bought condolence card for the plant saying I'm sorry your going to die.
I always walk by my moms plants and tell them they are suicidal because she is going to eat them!

She once plucked a twig from the mesquite tree my grandfather was buried under.
It has  bee struck by lightening and burnt to a crisp.
She wrapped it in a paper towel and stuck it in the back of the car.
3 weeks later when we got home, she walked out into the yard and stuck this pencil of a twig in the ground.
There is now a mesquite tree in Virgina beach Va.
It grew!!! WTH!!

My mom once told me that cow fart were making holes in the ozone.
She asked me how I was going to help the ozone.
I said by eating the cows 1 steak at a time.