It's not the same, but I lost a mule during gelding. As upset as I was, I could not leave him there. He was down and I just sat and held his head for the last few minutes, telling him how much i loved him and how sorry I was that this happened. I just petted his head and talked to him while I balled my eyes out. I could not watch later that night when the truck came to take him away. I have his halter and some tail hair. And pictures. I regret not taking more.

It's never easy. My boyfriend was there which was a godsend. He held me as I held the mule.

Don't feel bad about crying. I bought his half sister a week later. It helped me alot. But this doesn't work for everyone.

I second having other people there to help you.

I am sorry for your loss. It's never easy, even when it is planned.