4Horses and Holding wrote:
I'm so sorry. I think you already know what's happening and it's a horrid thing to admit to yourself.

The only thing I can tell you that might work is to continue ignoring him. You were right, he should have been the one to beg you. If he doesn't come back to you of his own free will, then it doesn't matter how much you beg, you won't keep him... at least not happily.

My first husband either cheated on me or only got to the planning stage after our first child was born. I caught him. I dumped him. I begged him to come back. He did. Guess what? I got pregnant again a few months later. Then guess what? We ended up separating and divorcing and then I was not just a single mom with one child, I was a single mom with TWO children. I adore my daughter, BUT it made it SO much harder (and you don't miss what things that you don't know you don't have, you know?). << does that need more explaining? I mean that I would NEVER give up my daughter, but if I'd never have had her, my life would have been easier and I would never have known the joy that she is and so it wouldn't have been a loss to the "then me".

I understand that completely. I love my daughter, but I feel like I could have gotten the same service without the emotional drainage if she would have just come from a sperm bank. She's changed my life forever and I certainly wouldn't miss her if she didn't exist and I didn't know about her, but now that I have her...try and pry her from my cold dead fingers. Go ahead.

My best friend lives in Montana and she's opted to move me in with her once he leaves (if he does). I'll have to sell Taunie and move far, far away...but maybe thats ok.

I've given him so many chances to turn around and give me/us more attention. I wasn't asking much...maybe be home an hour or two earlier when its HIS choice and allow me to sit on the wagon with him for a few hours every weekend. I've discussed it with him...he won't do it. When he's home he's great with the baby. That seems to be the only thing keeping him around. I was so sure he loved me. Funny how that love changes when you're sleep deprived, still chunky from pregnancy, suffering from postpartum depression and lonely.

I just don't seem worth it to him anymore. Its a terrible feeling.

We're going to try and discuss things over with a 3rd party in the mix acting like a counceller. I don't know how effective that will be. He's already shown that he just doesn't want to change. But I guess maybe its worth just one more shot.



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"And so I will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the night sky"
"The most dangerous place in the world is to be between a mother and her child"
"Yeah, a little too Raph"
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