This guy sounds so much like my ex after my son was born. He really does. What I discovered was that after a few years of trying to talk to him, counselling, arguing, crying, etc, the only thing that actually worked was action. Because I'd always seemed so weak, he assumed that I would never be strong enough to leave him, and that he could do whatever the hell he wanted without consequences. He kept me weak and under control by insisting I have no friends of my own, no life of my own, no job of my own. I depended on him for everything, so in his mind, that meant he held all the cards. When I left, he was shocked, and when he finally realized that I was SERIOUS and NOT COMING BACK, only then did he try to change and win me back. By then, of course, it was too late; I really wasn't coming back.

I don't know if it's a guy thing, or just a depressed, egocentric asshole thing, but in my experience men respond to actions, not words. You going out there to get him instead of talking about it probably got his attention, at least for a little while. If he doesn't have solid proof that shit will hit the fan if he doesn't start paying attention, he's just going to stay locked in his little bubble of self-absorbed misery.

As for your sister... she's seeing things in black and white, and life isn't like that. Just because her ex was a complete schmuck, that doesn't mean that yours isn't at least a partial schmuck. Nobody's asking him to be perfect, just to be at least occasionally open and available. No matter what she says, that's not too much to ask of anyone.


roro wrote:

LET IT GO, LET IT GOOOO, be one with the wind and sky or whatever the fuck