Thank you guys. It has been quite the ordeal. Darkhorse, I don't want it to make you not want to adopt, I just wanted to share what can happen when things don't go right. My aunt has 3 adopted children and her SO has 2 and all five (between 11 and 13, 4 boys and one girl) are doing pretty well considering their pasts, at least for now. They have combinations of the common problems like ADHD, mild retardation, and some other mild to moderate learning problems, but by their ages my brother and sister were already on the downward slide. My aunt's children were adopted as babies-toddlers though. The youngest was a crack baby and has a speech problem, moderate retardation, a concave chest, and something really wrong with his jaw. He had to have surgeries to make it so that his eyes moved together too. However, he is a really happy kid! I know my aunt loves adoption. She went the route of foster parents first to make sure she could do it and to gain some experience.

I also know someone else on here who was adopted as an older child. You would never know! She is good in school, loves to ride, and stays out of trouble. It can go very well too!

Squish - . At some point you are advised to let them fall and flounder on their own by social services, so you are probably doing the right thing. Their thought of mind is that the person will never learn if you keep fixing their mistakes.

PPM is right - it is those early years that are critical. I even did a thesis on early childhood development, which really helped me learn why things are how they are.

So thank you you guys . It has been a problem for such a long time and I hate to admit that it is peaceful again for the first time in years. I love them, but I don't like who they are right now.

The problem with placing kids is that they don't always know the extent of the damage or problems. My brother and sister should probably have been placed in a home with serious adoption experience. However, social services really wanted to keep them together and we were the only family that would adopt both. A family was beginning the process of adopting just my sister when we came along. We got priority because we wanted both. My brother went kind of on trial (I don;t know how to explain it - visits maybe?) a few different times and was always returned.

Hunter Princess wrote:
I do not have time for your ridiculous passive aggressiveness. Off my thread, please.
My awesomest gold star