I need sound advice. Something that might help me. So because of that, I *beg* that no one gets uneccesarily nasty or "tells it like it is". Its a
pretty big, important subject for me and I'm at my wit's end.
My bf has a barn job. He's had it since before the baby was born. He used to come home everyday for lunch, be home at a decent hour and work the days he was required.
The baby was born and now I hardly see him. He works 12+ hour days, leaving at 6:30am and not returning until 9-10pm. He doesn't come home for lunch anymore. He never takes a day off. He does odd job after odd job and stays at the barn over night sometimes. I never see him. When I ask him about it or ask him to take a day off...or be home at a decent hour when its his choice (not farm duties, but odd job-wise) he gets pissy and insist we need money, money, money. This has been going on for at least 8 weeks now and every week, around Thursday or Friday, I blow and we fight.
He never calls me. He never texts me. I do all the contacting. When I ask him how his day went, he doesn't give any details. When we actually do something together, he wishes he was at work making money (he's personally told me this) and when I ask if he enjoyed himself (we took a trail ride last week, for instance) he replies "I guess". We never go out...at all. I mentioned having a date night once a week and he said no, he'd rather be making money and not spending it.
Thing is, I don't know where all this money goes. He doesn't pay my bills and I get the supplies for the baby from the small income I make of a part time training job. He has a car payment, insurance for the car and a cellphone bill. It all adds up to around $500 a month...he makes well over that...especially with all the hours he's been putting in.
He drives carriages in Pittsburgh every Friday and Saturday night. The boss's insurance says he needs two people in the cab, but he only puts one there and thats my bf. I volunteer to go and help for free. My bf doesn't want me there. He never goes out of his way to help me get there, he never looks for a baby-sitter, he's just not finding it important that I'm there. I find it extremely important. Its the only way I get to see him all week...I sit next to him on the carriage for a few hours and help him with the horse before and after. He told me this Thursday that he flat out doesn't want me coming anymore.
I never did anything wrong.
At first I was asking why he was away so much, then I started demanding that he be home at a decent hour, then it evolved into nagging. Last Thursday was the day though. He flat out told me he didn't want me on the carriage, and it was like a bandaid. I cried hard for about 30 seconds...and then it was all over. Just like tearing off a bandage. I think I've resigned and now I'm just waiting for him to leave on his own accord.
Last night he went to the carriages and didn't come home. He works with some girls and although I trust him, it makes me nervous. I know nothing about these girls that he knows so well. He drives carriages with one of them...
And then on Friday nights he just doesn't come home after he's done driving. I usually don't see him until Sunday afternoon if I don't go to the carriages with him. So Friday through Sunday, I don't see him...at all. I'm the one doing all the textings (not nagging, just trying to make conversation) and calls. He never contacts me first.
When I confront him about working on his days off, he says that he needs to do odd jobs since the boss wants him to. He leaves 6:30 in the morning and doesn't come back until after dark...on his days off.
I don't know what to do. I don't think I'm losing him, I think I've lost him. It may be too late to even ask for advice. My friend says to get rid of him. I did once...last week. I dumped him and then that same night I begged and begged and begged that he came back to me. *I* begged. Isn't he the one that should be on his knees begging to come back to *me*?
I've been ignoring him since last Thursday. I haven't spoken to him, I haven't text him, I haven't called him. He's made no attempt to contact me...he never does. I have this small glimmer of hope that if I ignore him, he'll feel the need to come back. Like a horse thats hard to catch. You take your attention off the horse and pretend you don't care, and they'll come around. This doesn't seem to be working with him though.
I'm already ready for life as a single mom...its been going on for 8 weeks or so. Now I feel like I'm just waiting for him to finally leave.
Please, if theres anything I can do that someone knows might work, help me out. I'm so lost.
My bf has a barn job. He's had it since before the baby was born. He used to come home everyday for lunch, be home at a decent hour and work the days he was required.
The baby was born and now I hardly see him. He works 12+ hour days, leaving at 6:30am and not returning until 9-10pm. He doesn't come home for lunch anymore. He never takes a day off. He does odd job after odd job and stays at the barn over night sometimes. I never see him. When I ask him about it or ask him to take a day off...or be home at a decent hour when its his choice (not farm duties, but odd job-wise) he gets pissy and insist we need money, money, money. This has been going on for at least 8 weeks now and every week, around Thursday or Friday, I blow and we fight.
He never calls me. He never texts me. I do all the contacting. When I ask him how his day went, he doesn't give any details. When we actually do something together, he wishes he was at work making money (he's personally told me this) and when I ask if he enjoyed himself (we took a trail ride last week, for instance) he replies "I guess". We never go out...at all. I mentioned having a date night once a week and he said no, he'd rather be making money and not spending it.
Thing is, I don't know where all this money goes. He doesn't pay my bills and I get the supplies for the baby from the small income I make of a part time training job. He has a car payment, insurance for the car and a cellphone bill. It all adds up to around $500 a month...he makes well over that...especially with all the hours he's been putting in.
He drives carriages in Pittsburgh every Friday and Saturday night. The boss's insurance says he needs two people in the cab, but he only puts one there and thats my bf. I volunteer to go and help for free. My bf doesn't want me there. He never goes out of his way to help me get there, he never looks for a baby-sitter, he's just not finding it important that I'm there. I find it extremely important. Its the only way I get to see him all week...I sit next to him on the carriage for a few hours and help him with the horse before and after. He told me this Thursday that he flat out doesn't want me coming anymore.
I never did anything wrong.
At first I was asking why he was away so much, then I started demanding that he be home at a decent hour, then it evolved into nagging. Last Thursday was the day though. He flat out told me he didn't want me on the carriage, and it was like a bandaid. I cried hard for about 30 seconds...and then it was all over. Just like tearing off a bandage. I think I've resigned and now I'm just waiting for him to leave on his own accord.
Last night he went to the carriages and didn't come home. He works with some girls and although I trust him, it makes me nervous. I know nothing about these girls that he knows so well. He drives carriages with one of them...
And then on Friday nights he just doesn't come home after he's done driving. I usually don't see him until Sunday afternoon if I don't go to the carriages with him. So Friday through Sunday, I don't see him...at all. I'm the one doing all the textings (not nagging, just trying to make conversation) and calls. He never contacts me first.
When I confront him about working on his days off, he says that he needs to do odd jobs since the boss wants him to. He leaves 6:30 in the morning and doesn't come back until after dark...on his days off.
I don't know what to do. I don't think I'm losing him, I think I've lost him. It may be too late to even ask for advice. My friend says to get rid of him. I did once...last week. I dumped him and then that same night I begged and begged and begged that he came back to me. *I* begged. Isn't he the one that should be on his knees begging to come back to *me*?
I've been ignoring him since last Thursday. I haven't spoken to him, I haven't text him, I haven't called him. He's made no attempt to contact me...he never does. I have this small glimmer of hope that if I ignore him, he'll feel the need to come back. Like a horse thats hard to catch. You take your attention off the horse and pretend you don't care, and they'll come around. This doesn't seem to be working with him though.
I'm already ready for life as a single mom...its been going on for 8 weeks or so. Now I feel like I'm just waiting for him to finally leave.
Please, if theres anything I can do that someone knows might work, help me out. I'm so lost.
