Ugh.. I know the responses coming.. but I feel like I need to talk about this. It's really tearing me up. And for once, its not about me.
I came home about 3 months ago. Started going out with my best friend to a bar up in Superior. It's become the new hangout, I go out and don't drink some nights.. just chill with everyone there and it's become a very close circle of friends.
One of the bouncers has become especially close to me. He is in his early 40's, and has had a rough life, to say the least. He has been in prison for 9 years, 3 different occasions for drug use as a 20-something. He got heavy into heroin, and contracted Hepatitis C. Now, he's relatively straight. He is an admitted alcoholic however, and that, combined with the HepC has caused liver cancer. I do not know the extent of this, but apparently he needs to be sober for 3 months before they can begin treatment on his body. He had a blood transfusion last Friday and worked afterwards, and seeing him sick, clammy and pale made me extremely upset. It tore me up inside to see him that way.
Last night I went to this bar to ride their mechanical bull. The bouncer was there, and we talked at length about the things happening with him. I remember about 3 weeks ago he said that he went to an ultrasound with his pregnant girlfriend. To prove the kind of guy that this man is, he said that when he saw that baby on the screen he cried. He said that it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen in his entire life. He was shaking when he told us the story. Last week, the girl had a miscarraige, and as soon as she found out she told him that it was over, and that the baby was most likely not his.
Bouncer was out last night, and drinking. He literally said that he has nothing to live for anymore, the pain is terrible, and drinking makes him happy and more comfortable. He said that he is dying either way, and he'd rather have fun on his way out. I'm assuming that he doesn't want the treatment.
Now, this man tells me how beautiful I am and how much he'd love to be my boyfriend.. and I know that he would treat me well. I HATE, HATE HATE how it sounds when I say it, but I'm too good of a girl for him. And I know it... and I know you can't change people but I have a very hard time thinking that I can't help him, if I were more than just a friend to him. A reason for him to change. Nothing will probably ever happen between this man and I, because I consciously know that it shouldn't.. but every time I'm with him I just want to get closer and closer, instead of backing away as I probably should.
If you read all that, internet cookies for everyone:
I came home about 3 months ago. Started going out with my best friend to a bar up in Superior. It's become the new hangout, I go out and don't drink some nights.. just chill with everyone there and it's become a very close circle of friends.
One of the bouncers has become especially close to me. He is in his early 40's, and has had a rough life, to say the least. He has been in prison for 9 years, 3 different occasions for drug use as a 20-something. He got heavy into heroin, and contracted Hepatitis C. Now, he's relatively straight. He is an admitted alcoholic however, and that, combined with the HepC has caused liver cancer. I do not know the extent of this, but apparently he needs to be sober for 3 months before they can begin treatment on his body. He had a blood transfusion last Friday and worked afterwards, and seeing him sick, clammy and pale made me extremely upset. It tore me up inside to see him that way.
Last night I went to this bar to ride their mechanical bull. The bouncer was there, and we talked at length about the things happening with him. I remember about 3 weeks ago he said that he went to an ultrasound with his pregnant girlfriend. To prove the kind of guy that this man is, he said that when he saw that baby on the screen he cried. He said that it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen in his entire life. He was shaking when he told us the story. Last week, the girl had a miscarraige, and as soon as she found out she told him that it was over, and that the baby was most likely not his.
Bouncer was out last night, and drinking. He literally said that he has nothing to live for anymore, the pain is terrible, and drinking makes him happy and more comfortable. He said that he is dying either way, and he'd rather have fun on his way out. I'm assuming that he doesn't want the treatment.
Now, this man tells me how beautiful I am and how much he'd love to be my boyfriend.. and I know that he would treat me well. I HATE, HATE HATE how it sounds when I say it, but I'm too good of a girl for him. And I know it... and I know you can't change people but I have a very hard time thinking that I can't help him, if I were more than just a friend to him. A reason for him to change. Nothing will probably ever happen between this man and I, because I consciously know that it shouldn't.. but every time I'm with him I just want to get closer and closer, instead of backing away as I probably should.
If you read all that, internet cookies for everyone:
