Oh yes. Another one! Let's all cheer. =P
I just need someone to tell me I'm either stupid or to not give up, really.
Okay, so first of all, I have high standards, and I don't date casually. I am a romantic, but I am also very realistic. I don't believe in love at first sight, and friendship is always a prerequisite for a relationship for me.
So in October or something at band camp (haha I know) this grade 12 came and sat with us grade 10s. I knew the guy and who he was, but we hadn't talked. Well we talked. And about a month and a half later I told him I had a bit of a crush on him. He didn't feel the same way, so whatever.
By January we were doing pretty much everything together - he had come seen my horse, I had gone to a few of his concerts (we're both big musicians), I saw his horses (yeah, he had horses, and I didn't even know...his family loves horses). In February I had to call the ambulance for my dad, and my mother was across the country. It was one of the scariest things in my life, and we had been talking on msn when I did it. He called me and talked to me and stayed up with me until 4AM - and we had school the next day. We told each other we liked each other that night, and the next day we started dating.
We both had the same morals (no drinking, drugs, smoking, and had a lot of the same values), we ironically have almost the exact same views on religion, we share a lot of the same interests but differ enough we can talk endlessly (as in 6 hour phone conversation and 3+ hour msn conversations) - we both like music but he knows way more, and we both like horses but I'm way more into it, and more. It was going really well. I loved his family, they loved me, I met all his extended family (that was an adventure), my family loved him (that's saying something I'm an only child and they let him come into my room - I was shocked), and to be honest, I was in love. Like, I know that's incredibly stupid, and impossible, but truly, I was. I can't explain it, and I can try if you want me to, but anyways. We went to London and a few other places around England (with our school band). Wow. Best trip ever.
Then about a week before May I started noticing something was wrong. I'm incredibly intuitive, and I had been thinking 'when he leaves' and stuff ever since the beginning of April. But we were fine. Well he never acted like he didn't want to see me, and I don't think I did anything, but then he broke up with me on May 6. Why - I have no idea. Still don't. Two weeks before his grad, which he had asked me to in March and I had gotten a dress for (and I don't wear dresses...yuck).
I'm a happy person - I have my down days, but I know how lucky I am. After he broke up with me I didn't cry - I rarely do. It was like I was empty, lost almost. I was depressed for about two weeks - like I still laughed and had fun and stuff, but every time we looked at each other I had actual physical pain. It hurt so much. Everytime I saw him the whole eyes meet thing would happen and it was ...I can't even describe it.
So I didn't want to lose his friendship or anything, so we started stalking again, after those two weeks. It sucked. It was hard. I was lonely and life hadn't been going the best right then.
So now we're back to hours of msn convos, he hung out with me when we had exams, and on the last day of school he sat next to me and we talked for a while. I went to a concert he preformed at with his family (they had extra tickets), we tease each other, we talk about serious stuff (like my friends parent issues, religion, everything), and light hearted stuff. I can't keep my mouth shut around him, and we still confide in each other (except for one obvious subject haha). He's staying around here for univ. and I asked if he wanted to stay in touch and he said he does. I know (think?) he doesn't like me, and I know it's stupid but, honestly? I really really miss him. I've been having these dreams that I could feel his emotions (it was strange) and they were confused and not knowing, and I don't know if that's what I hope it to be, or if it's stupid or what. I trust my 'feelings' and I have a feeling we aren't over - like we are now, but in the future?
I think we were right for each other - not like OMG I WANT TO MARRY HIM - that's silly. But, we fit. We balanced each other out - my friend who is the most anti-romantic person ever said she thought we were going to be the ones that lasted - even my guy friends thought he was good for me, which is amazing because they are very overprotective of me.
The issue is I don't know where we stand, and I don't really have any one to ask. I don't know if I'm being a silly teenage girl or what. If I am tell me! I'm sick of missing him and all that. I LIKE being single - I have no problem with it. The only reason I want to go back is because it's him. It's driving me insane. Literally.
Now I feel stupid but I'm going to hit post anyways because I need some kind of input.
I just need someone to tell me I'm either stupid or to not give up, really.
Okay, so first of all, I have high standards, and I don't date casually. I am a romantic, but I am also very realistic. I don't believe in love at first sight, and friendship is always a prerequisite for a relationship for me.
So in October or something at band camp (haha I know) this grade 12 came and sat with us grade 10s. I knew the guy and who he was, but we hadn't talked. Well we talked. And about a month and a half later I told him I had a bit of a crush on him. He didn't feel the same way, so whatever.
By January we were doing pretty much everything together - he had come seen my horse, I had gone to a few of his concerts (we're both big musicians), I saw his horses (yeah, he had horses, and I didn't even know...his family loves horses). In February I had to call the ambulance for my dad, and my mother was across the country. It was one of the scariest things in my life, and we had been talking on msn when I did it. He called me and talked to me and stayed up with me until 4AM - and we had school the next day. We told each other we liked each other that night, and the next day we started dating.
We both had the same morals (no drinking, drugs, smoking, and had a lot of the same values), we ironically have almost the exact same views on religion, we share a lot of the same interests but differ enough we can talk endlessly (as in 6 hour phone conversation and 3+ hour msn conversations) - we both like music but he knows way more, and we both like horses but I'm way more into it, and more. It was going really well. I loved his family, they loved me, I met all his extended family (that was an adventure), my family loved him (that's saying something I'm an only child and they let him come into my room - I was shocked), and to be honest, I was in love. Like, I know that's incredibly stupid, and impossible, but truly, I was. I can't explain it, and I can try if you want me to, but anyways. We went to London and a few other places around England (with our school band). Wow. Best trip ever.
Then about a week before May I started noticing something was wrong. I'm incredibly intuitive, and I had been thinking 'when he leaves' and stuff ever since the beginning of April. But we were fine. Well he never acted like he didn't want to see me, and I don't think I did anything, but then he broke up with me on May 6. Why - I have no idea. Still don't. Two weeks before his grad, which he had asked me to in March and I had gotten a dress for (and I don't wear dresses...yuck).
I'm a happy person - I have my down days, but I know how lucky I am. After he broke up with me I didn't cry - I rarely do. It was like I was empty, lost almost. I was depressed for about two weeks - like I still laughed and had fun and stuff, but every time we looked at each other I had actual physical pain. It hurt so much. Everytime I saw him the whole eyes meet thing would happen and it was ...I can't even describe it.
So I didn't want to lose his friendship or anything, so we started stalking again, after those two weeks. It sucked. It was hard. I was lonely and life hadn't been going the best right then.
So now we're back to hours of msn convos, he hung out with me when we had exams, and on the last day of school he sat next to me and we talked for a while. I went to a concert he preformed at with his family (they had extra tickets), we tease each other, we talk about serious stuff (like my friends parent issues, religion, everything), and light hearted stuff. I can't keep my mouth shut around him, and we still confide in each other (except for one obvious subject haha). He's staying around here for univ. and I asked if he wanted to stay in touch and he said he does. I know (think?) he doesn't like me, and I know it's stupid but, honestly? I really really miss him. I've been having these dreams that I could feel his emotions (it was strange) and they were confused and not knowing, and I don't know if that's what I hope it to be, or if it's stupid or what. I trust my 'feelings' and I have a feeling we aren't over - like we are now, but in the future?
I think we were right for each other - not like OMG I WANT TO MARRY HIM - that's silly. But, we fit. We balanced each other out - my friend who is the most anti-romantic person ever said she thought we were going to be the ones that lasted - even my guy friends thought he was good for me, which is amazing because they are very overprotective of me.
The issue is I don't know where we stand, and I don't really have any one to ask. I don't know if I'm being a silly teenage girl or what. If I am tell me! I'm sick of missing him and all that. I LIKE being single - I have no problem with it. The only reason I want to go back is because it's him. It's driving me insane. Literally.
Now I feel stupid but I'm going to hit post anyways because I need some kind of input.
